The prospect of making my own work is daunting but I don’t feel I have any other option when I don’t feel smart enough, clever enough, young enough, experienced enough… just not enough, to be employed to do what I love and what I feel I’m really good at.
Its all knowledge and insight and skill that no one seems to want yet I continually enter conversations where employers can’t find employable candidates.
I can’t do all I can do at once but no one wants any part of me it seems. Lack of disposable income to make work makes me less prolific than I’m capable of being.
If I was well funded and prolific I wouldn’t be needing a job. I’d actually like a job and be part of a team. Producing and consulting is a lonely pursuit.
There lies my inner sense of failure
Perhaps I’m just not very good and any sense of value to others I have is self deluded.